So that you may believe...
The death and resurrection of Lazarus (John 11) has always been one of my favorite stories. It has come up at many different points in my life to teach me many different things.
I remember specifically that two years ago, I began to cry as I read the end of verse 3: "Lord, the one you love is sick." Not just the one that I love, but you, Lord, also love this person. So why is she sick? If you really loved her, wouldn't she be healthy? What does it mean to be loved by you if we are not protected from this?
I had no guarantee that this sickness will not end in death, but was reassured that it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.
So I set off to continue to pray for healing while also praying half-heartedly that He might be glorified through this. (I think part of me was trying to trick God into showing Him how much I'd learned and understood from His Word to prove that He should do what I want Him do. Surprisingly enough, my psychological mind-games did not work on the omniscient God of the universe...)
My study of this passage has often ended with verse 15, allowing me to ponder Jesus's words: "Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe." Instead of walking away with the miracle of life fresh in my mind, I tried to leave the passage knowing that He is all-knowing and working for His own glory and my belief. There was no point in getting my hopes up only for them to be crushed later on.
However, you might recall that the story does not end there.
Last week brought me to the second half of that story.
Quick background: Now, many of you who know me also know my family. And if you know my family, you probably know my youngest sister, Rachel. She is strong, beautiful, and brave. She also has been in and out of hospitals since before she came to the U.S. twelve years ago.
After spending the most intense 2 weeks of her (and my) life in the hospital when she was two, Rachel came home with a brand-new diagnosis: adrenal insufficiency. Basically, her body couldn't support itself going into 'fight or flight' mode when she got sick or injured and couldn't keep her blood sugar up. She currently holds the record at our local Children's hospital for lowest surviving blood sugar: 12.
So, she got a bag. This bag has gone with her everywhere since she was 2. It contains her 'beep beep,' a continuous glucose monitoring device so we knew when her sugar was dropping. It contains the medicine she takes every 8 hours to supplement what her body can't supply along with extra so we can double the dose if she gets sick. It also contains a solution of chemicals and a syringe in case she goes into 'crisis mode' so we can give her meds quickly in her thigh and get her to a hospital to do the rest.
Fast forward to last year, when Rachel's doctors were concerned about her growth and how the medicine she has been on for the past 10 years may be inhibiting her physical growth. They proposed that her body may have been able to heal itself over the past 10 years, but wasn't producing the cortisol it needed because it didn't have to with the meds coming in so consistently. They suggested we begin to wean her off to see if they were right.
My heart stopped. I immediately began to pray for her protection- that she would survive long enough for the doctors to see that their idea was stupid and put her back on the medication. This medicine had been her lifeline so long, I didn't even consider asking God to make this work, only that she would live.
I am infinitely grateful God does not confine His work to my small thinking.
5 months into this process, Rachel had taken her last dose and was going to get her cortisol level checked. This would be the ultimate determining factor that she had healed and not just gotten lucky with staying healthy through this time.
Last week, Rachel texted me the following messages:
When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”
I cried.
This has always been an impossibility, so I didn't even consider asking.
Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”
That He would be glorified in every breath my sister is able to take, in every life she touches.
That He would be glorified as His work is shared with others through her story.
That He would be glorified in the giving and the taking away, recognized as faithful and good in both.
Because, while this story contains a miracle that is celebrated, I don't think that the result was the main point of this story.
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” He asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
Come and see, Lord. The one you love is sick and I cannot handle it.
Come and see, Lord. The world you love is sick and I am powerless. As I am weeping over the brokenness of the world, He is deeply moved in spirit and troubled, He weeps with me, knowing full well that He is the redemption of the world and has the victory in hand.
I cannot articulate to you the happiness and joy I feel knowing Rachel is on her way to health, that she is able to gain independence for a bright future. But I also cannot describe to you the closeness I have felt to the Lord in the midst of these health crises, when I am most powerless and broken. He met me there, held me close, and wept alongside me.
To be loved by Him does not guarantee us protection from the brokenness of the world. But, it does offer us a hand to hold and a Hope to cling to. He offers us Himself. The sweetest gift of all.
Thank you for following me through this journey. It means so much to me to know I have people who desire to know about what's going on and to join me in prayer.
I ask for your prayers in gratitude for the miracle God has given my family. I also ask for your prayers for the miracle my family and I are still waiting on. That we would draw close to Him as the source of our love and comfort.
I ask for your prayers for F, one of my students, who is one of the strongest people I know but is facing a lot of uncertainty. Pray that this student would feel His love and comfort above all else, and to also feel that from the team of people who are fighting on this student's behalf. Pray for resolution and wisdom as decisions are being made.
Thank you, friends, for your prayers. They are powerful and effective. Believe it.
I promise to post an actual update about the school and the ministry some day... Maybe later... :)
Bendiciones!
-Katie
