A Theology of Abundance

I have spent a lot of time contemplating the consistency of God. How His steadfast love contrasts with the chaos of my circumstances. How His deep kindness never fails, even as I struggle to 'feel' it.

My heart has felt empty.

In those moments, I would find myself asking "Why me?" Things didn't seem fair and I couldn't understand what He was doing.

As I look back on my life until this point, especially on those difficult times, I see His hand at work. I see His sovereignty bringing about His good and perfect will through trials and difficulties. I do not always see my desired outcome, but the fruit He has grown in my own heart as a result of those circumstances. I see how each one has allowed me to draw nearer to the heart of God.

And now, as I sit at the three-month mark of living in the U.S., I find myself humbled to acknowledge miraculous grace that He is lavishing on me.

I could not have imagined a more perfect way to end my time in Ecuador. My students, coworkers, and friends loved me so tangibly in their goodbyes and care for me. I was able to spend my last couple weeks, not teaching and working, but painting a mural and connecting with people. It was hard in the most beautiful way.

I was welcomed back to the U.S. with love and hugs from many. I came back to find a house provided for me to live in for now, a new full-time job with amazing, God-fearing coworkers, and my Grandma's well-loved car still working for me. How could I ask for more?

I just recently went on a debriefing trip where I get to reconnect with a former student from Ecuador, an old MI roommate, and 2 old Ecuador missionaries who are faithful friends. I even got a call from a teacher in Ecuador that let me talk to some of my old students on their 'Day of the Flag,' a day celebrating the almost-graduating seniors.

And I finally got to have the apple cider and Robinette's donuts I've been dreaming about for four years!

As I sit and marvel in the tangible ways God has provided for me, not just my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, but even some of my desires, I find I need to develop a theology of abundance.

My heart is so full.

So yet again, I ask, why me? This doesn't seem fair and I don't understand what He's doing.

I can't help but feel guilt for accepting this abundance when I know so many for whom this is not the case. And I can't help but wonder when 'the other shoe will drop' to bring me down from this mountaintop.

And I'm really not sure where to go from here...

I found myself in Ephesians 2.

"But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages He might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. (Eph 2: 4-9)

Perhaps this time of feeling the grace of God so tangibly is not just for my sake, but as a testimony of what He has already done and has yet to do. Perhaps this is a time to taste and see the incomparable riches of His grace.

Perhaps this is yet another way to draw nearer to the heart of God- the heart of Abba who loves and disciplines His children perfectly in every way.

So, I continue my reading.

"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Eph 2:10)

This is a verse that I'm very familiar with and has affected my prayer life quite a bit, asking the Lord to give me the energy and discernment for the day to do the good works He has already prepared for me to complete. I spend time daily with the Lord to be filled to go out and do those things for Him.

It felt pretty straightforward.

Now, NIV is typically the version I read from- I've grown up with it and it is the English translation in my bilingual Bible I've been using for the past five years. Sometimes, I like looking at the Spanish translation included in my Bible, just to get a glimpse at how the same ideas can be expressed in different languages. I was astonished.

"Porque somos hechura suya, creados en Cristo Jesús para buenas obras, las cuales Dios preparó de antemano para que anduviésemos en ellas." (Eph 2:10, RVR 1960)

I let out an audible gasp and immediately pulled up the Greek on my phone to make sure I understood it correctly. (No, I have never studied Greek, I just like to look up Bible verse translations based on the original Greek!)

My Greek sources confirmed the accuracy of the Spanish translation, so I looked up ESV for good measure and saw it also translated more accurately from the original Greek:

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Eph 2:10, ESV)

I could have slapped myself. "No one is good—except God alone." (Matt 10:18b), of course we aren't going to do anything good.

We were not created to DO good works, rather to WALK in His good works that have already been prepared for us to experience.

That is a different mindset.

Again, I see my task-oriented and self-sufficient mindset kicking in to insist that I must DO in order to achieve and gain favor. But as I find myself in this season, I see ever more clearly that the truth of God's goodness is not dependent on my actions.

This Truth is the standard to which all of reality adheres.

There may be seasons when we must preach Truth over ourselves again and again to withstand the waves of circumstances that tempt us to feel we are the deciders of truth.

There may also be seasons when we get to taste the Truth and we get to marvel again and again in our Lord's mercy and grace over us.

God is good.

This has been, is, and forever will be, the Truth.

Amen.

Thank you for your prayers over this time of transition. It has not been smooth or easy, but it has been good. I ask for your continued prayers over this time.

• For courage to lean in to new things and take steps as the Lord leads

• For Antioch, the students and teachers who spend hours together, that they all may learn more about God through their interactions with each other.

• For Alpha, that the Lord would make way for clients to get the help they need and to meet Him in their time of need.

Thank you, dear friend.

Bendiciones!

-Katie