What is rest?
As a perfectionist- who went from a family of 9 to college with 18+ credit hours per semester to teaching in Covid while getting a master's to teaching on the mission field- it would be an understatement to say that rest does not come naturally to me
Until recently, if you had asked me what I did to 'rest,' my answer likely would have involved Netflix. I would have classified sitting down and 'turning off' my brain as rest. With this definition, I could rest with very little intentionality, and I could rest often. It required absolutely nothing from me as I passively watched too much of anything I found mildly entertaining.
I was addicted to consuming media.
I justified my overconsumption, giving it the name 'rest.'
I justified my choosing to be alone watching a movie over going out with friends most days because I was an 'introvert' and needed my 'introvert time,' forgetting that I was designed for community.
And I just couldn't figure out why I was still so tired and unfilled.
Media couldn't satisfy me. It was never enough. I wanted more and more, much like any addiction.
I would always blame my circumstances for my increasing need, insisting that once x, y, or z happen, then I would be able to move on. But, lo and behold, my addiction stayed with me, regardless of where I was living and what I was doing.
It is in reflecting on those times when I understand why a compassionate, loving God is willing to give us over to our own desires.
Because the kindest thing He can do for us is lead us to Himself.
Finding that we are unsatisfied after consuming what we want is a humbling experience that brings us to His feet in need and repentance. And then He lifts my head, reminding me of who He is and who He knows I am.
"The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, He saved me.
Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.
For You, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living." (Psalm 116:5-9)
He delivers us from death, even when it is from our own desires. He allows us to walk before Him here and now, in the land of the living. He desires us to return to Him, the source of our rest.
He is our rest.
But what does that mean?
What is rest?
How do I successfully achieve 'rest in the Lord'?
"What shall I return to the Lord for all His goodness to me?" (Psalm 116:12)
This, in my mind, leads me to the question, 'What can I do for the Lord?'
Well, I can read my Bible. I can sit in prayer. I can attend church. I can lead worship. I can teach my students. I can serve my neighbor. I can engage in spiritual conversations. I can... I can... I can...
I can do something.
But, that wouldn't be rest, would it?
How do I rest from doing, just as God exemplified on the seventh day of creation?
Well, the first thing would be to stop making a checklist of all the things I feel that I should be doing. To stop ensuring that I do all the 'right things' throughout the day. To stop measuring myself up to a standard that I have created. To stop.
To just be.
"I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord." (Psalm 116:13)
I will acknowledge that the work is already done; it is finished. That You, o Lord, are over all and in all. That there is nothing I can do to keep or earn my salvation. I am unnecessary in your plan to redeem your people. You, o Lord, do not depend on me nor the work I do.
"I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all His people." (Psalm 116:14)
I will, imperfectly, do the work You have set before me. I will, hesitantly, put that work aside to embrace the rest You offer me. I will, unfaithfully, seek You above all else. I will, on my knees, depend upon Your gracious forgiveness and mercy to continue.
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His faithful servants." (Psalm 116:15)
I will remember that all You do is out of Love: a Love that I do not understand and do not always trust. I dare to believe that You do indeed delight in me and in my doing what You have created me to do. To teach. To guide. To paint. To sing. To create. My death is precious to You, not because of the works I accomplished in Your name, but because of the reality that I will finally be in Your presence. Finally see you face to face.
To simply be with You, o Lord.
To walk with You, hand in hand.
"Truly I am your servant, Lord; I serve you just as my mother did; You have freed me from my chains." (Psalm 116:16)
I will seek to serve You, o Lord, with my life, but I will not put on the chains of legalism that says I must achieve or produce. Instead, I will remember that inviting You into the daily life you have given me is just as important as reading my Bible. That experiencing You is not confined to a church service. That You delight in my imperfect and feeble attempts in imitating You.
Praise be to God that it is indeed finished.
Praise be to God that He has decided to love us despite our inevitable failings.
Praise be to God that He is Emmanuel God With Us with no contingencies or strings attached.
Praise be to God that we worship in being and not only in doing.
“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
I pray that God continues to strengthen us to fight against the evil forces and anxieties that try to steal this precious rest from us.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)
We are invited to life.
Thank you for your kindness in following me in my journey. I pray you are encouraged by my words, as I also seek to use them as a reminder to myself.
I ask for your prayers as I continue forward:
for patience and wisdom as I seek to be diligent and intentional in my steps
for the Prince of Peace to reign in a country that can't seem to find rest
for my students' hearts to be soft and open to the work of the Holy Spirit
If there is anything I can partner with you in prayer about, please let me know! You can contact me via email, text, or through the blog (contact tab).
¡Bendiciones!
-Katie
