Our Firm Foundation

22 hours.

That is the longest consecutive number of hours that we’ve had electricity since September.

About 4 weeks ago the weather started to change. Instead of sunny days with the occasional rain, it is once again feeling more like the rainforest, raining for part of almost every day. I’ve never been more grateful for gray skies.

Much like the first days of sunshine after a long Michigan winter, it feels like a weight has been lifted and the change in mood is evident.

This week we are down to 3 hours of electricity cuts a day, and it feels like a beautiful dream.

Unfortunately, as our life has become just a bit more normal due to reduced power cuts, we have had to change our lifestyle once again as protests have begun in our province.

A week ago, one of my classes was interrupted to tell me that we were sending the kids home early because of protesters setting up road blocks (a very typical form of protest here). We have been doing virtual classes since then.

These are localized to our province (Napo) as they are protesting the federal government’s proposal to build a maximum-security prison in the area. I do not claim to be an aficionado of Ecuadorian politics, but the concerns of the citizens seem quite reasonable to me. Unfortunately, the federal government does not appear to share my sentiment.

Because of that, more roadblocks have gone up as the protestors vow to block all land access to the province. This is not very difficult, as we are a mountainous country and only have 2 roads that can bring you to the capital.

To be clear, the roadblocks stop traffic and goods from coming/going. Up until now there has been no violence. I have been quite safe in my house and have not feared for my personal safety at all.

As all this is going on, I am staring at a Christmas plane ticket for Dec 18. I’ve been staring at it for quite some time, looking to it as a source of encouragement to keep going despite daily blackouts and the stresses of teaching. At least, if I make it to then, I will have a break and some family time over Christmas.

But now, there are several roadblocks between me and the airport.

And with a week between now and then, along with the unpredictability of Ecuadorian protests and politics, I have no way of knowing what condition the roads will be at that time.

Things could suddenly be resolved today with a brief Whatsapp message informing me that everything is done and we’re back to business as normal. Everything and everyone would move on with their lives as if we didn’t just put life on hold for a week.

Or they might not.

Wrestling with the uncertainty and my desire for control over the situation that is clearly out of my grasp has left me admitting that I have placed at least part of my hope in something that is not a Firm Foundation.

I have found myself in the Psalms the last couple days, looking for ways to acknowledge my own emotions and to surrender them to Jesus.

“Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy;

in Your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.

Do not bring Your servant into judgement,

for no one living is righteous before You.

The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground;

he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead.

So my spirit grows faint within me;

my heart within me is dismayed.” (Psalm 143: 1-4)

I will be honest, I have not been doing well. The last few months have been exhausting; the structure and routine that keep me in auto-pilot mode have been taken away from me. The last week, I’ve had a lot more time on my hands (asynchronous virtual classes are far less rewarding, but also less time-consuming) leaving me to sit with my own thoughts and feelings more than ever before.

The enemy is pursuing my thoughts, desiring to steal my joy by convincing me my feelings dictate truth. If I don’t feel God’s goodness right now, it must mean it is not there.

This is a dangerous thought practice to fall into.

“I remember the days of long ago;

I meditate on all Your works

and consider what Your hands have done.” (Psalm 143:5)

But, this is not the first time I’ve felt this way, and it definitely won’t be the last. I can look back on my life and see the evidence of God’s goodness and faithfulness throughout all of the highs and lows in my life. I do not even need to look back far to see that.

This practice of reflecting on ebenezers does not ease the pain and discomfort of right now, but it does put it in perspective.

I am not forgotten.

I am not alone.

I am not in control.

I am in His hands.

“I spread out my hands to You;

I thirst for You like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails.

Do not hide Your face from me

or I will be like those who go down to the pit.” (Psalm 143: 6-7)

I am in need, Lord, because I cannot do this alone.

Even more than this beautiful country needed rain for so long, so my soul needs You.

I know the depression that awaits me if I insist on relying on my own strength, so please answer me. Remind me of Your face so I do not lose hope. Keep my eyes fixed on You.

“Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in You.” (Psalm 143: 8)

Open my eyes to see Your hand at work every day.

Open my heart to be present in living when and where I am now, so that I can experience the joy and peace You offer me now.

Open my mind to find hope in the anticipation of what is to come and the fulfilment of the redemption You have promised.

“Show me the way I should go,

for to You I entrust my life.

Rescue me from my enemies,

Lord, for I hid myself in You.

Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God;

may Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

For Your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life;

in Your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

In Your unfailing love, silence my enemies;

destroy all my foes for I am Your servant.” (Psalm 143: 9-12)

I believe. Help my unbelief.

Thank you in advance for your prayers:

• Over the messy situation that the country I love finds itself in. Please pray for wise leadership in both parties and a resolution to the confict.

• Over my (and my community's) heart(s) as we diligently try to move forward while feeling the weight of so many things pulling us down.

• Over the students and teachers who thoroughly hate virtual classes, especially with daily blackouts still in effect.

• Over my path to the airport next week. I have a trusted taxi driver whose knowledge of road closures will help me determine 'passability' if the protests are still going on.

• For encouragement. It has been a long couple of months.

Thank you, dear friends, for your kindness in reading my sporadic updates, and I appreciate your willingness to partner with me in prayer. I pray you feel encouragement from my reflections. If I can partner with you in prayer about anything, please let me know!

¡Bendiciones!

-Katie