Lamenting
This year is a big one for our organization.
As I may have mentioned before, we are going into our first school year that will end with a graduation! This is a HUGE milestone for our school and something we are very excited about.
Unfortunately, because it is such a big testament to the work of God against darkness, it will not down without a fight. We all have felt the effect of this spiritual battle not only in seen and unseen ways but also in ourselves and others. We have felt the discouraging voices telling us that continuing on in our work would be too difficult. We have felt the physical pull to stop walking the path set before us. We have felt the heartache of the uncertainty of what lies ahead for our students. And it all feels like a lot to carry.
However, we are not stuck there. We are not powerless.
Recently, the idea of lament has come up on multiple occasions, so I decided to learn more about it. I started with a book recommended to me: Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop (10/10). He talks through a lot of things around the idea of lament and how it hurts both us and our surrounding communities when we don't do it well. What I appreciated the most is when he walked through the stages of lament:
Complaint
Petition
Truth
First of all, I was delighted to find that there was a place for my complaint, for my emotions that I simply cannot contain. My loving Father takes them on gladly, grateful I chose to trust Him in my vulnerability. He can handle my hurt heart firing hurtful words both toward Him and the broken world I live in. His strong arms can take it. I can simply allow myself to feel my feelings- definitely not my favorite thing, but something I've been working on a lot.
After expressing all the hurt and pain, I can move on to my human instinct to fix things so the pain to can away. I say all the ways I think the situation should change. Essentially, I have a moment to say: "You know God, if I were You, this is what I would do." He listens to my rambling and ranting, nodding His head at my illogical reasoning. Again, I believe He is just grateful that I decided to sit with Him in my hurt.
However. For the lament to be complete, I must get to a point where I can begin to integrate Truth into my prayer.
In the interest of not using 'bandaid' verses or ideas that dismiss the hurt, I turned to Scripture. I decided to start looking for all the "yet God" and "but God" statements in the Bible. These statement acknowledge the pain and the reality of the situation, but they remain firmly rooted in Truth. I started in Psalms, and then made my way through major prophets. I wrote them out on pieces of paper and stuck them up on my wall. Reading through them regularly has definitely been an encouragement through difficulties.
Unfortunately, I had blissfully forgot that God often teaches us something for us to then actually use it.
And then my heart broke in half.
Someone I love deeply entrusted me with a deep wound. I held a weeping, broken human; there was nothing to be said, only to be present. The weight of it all was too much. Too much for this person to bear, and too much for me to feel.
All too soon, we had to go our separate ways and I went home and sat on my porch, broken at the feet of my Father. I cried at the injustice. It wasn't fair. I prayed for deliverance and redemption the way I thought would be best. If only God would... Then, I had to turn to Truth. That He loves more than I ever could. That He is feeling this more deeply than I do. That He is fully aware and in control of this.
"But You, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; You consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to You; You are the helper of the fatherless." -Psalm 10:14
"Yet their Redeemer is strong; the Lord Almighty is His name. He will vigorously defend their cause so that he may bring rest to their land." -Jeremiah 50:34a
"But You, Lord, do not be far from {the afflicted}. You are {their} strength; come quickly to help {them}. Deliver {them} from the sword, {their} precious life from the power of dogs. Rescue {them} from the mouths of lions; save {them} from the horns of the wild oxen." -Psalm 22:19-21
"But God has surely listened and has heard my prayer." -Psalm 66:19
So then I can move to:
"But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for He has been good to me." -Psalm 13:5-6
And when I feel it is all too much:
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” -Lamentations 3:21-24
The Lord is gracious and loving in all He does. His every work is for our good and His glory.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Faith. It's not about what we see, but the hope we have and do not yet see. And He asks us to live by this faith, not by sight. So I will continue walking, knowing that the loving arms of my Savior are ever-present and His actions are never reactionary or haphazard. He is sovereign. He is love. We are simply beloved.
*****
Thank you for following me as I continue learning more about God and His character. It is a blessing to be able to share this with others. I pray you are able to be encouraged by it.
Once again, I ask for your prayers:
Prayers against the darkness, that it will not deter us from the mission He has placed before us.
Prayers for healing of hurt and redemption of an ugly past for the one I mentioned.
Prayers for the soon-to-be graduating class, that they would be firmly rooted in the love of the Father and prepared for a life post-Antioch.
Prayers of praise for the new church building that my local church will be moving into after 7 years of meeting on someone's old property.
Prayers of praise for the ways God has met me in moments of hardship or anxiety.
Thank you all for your kindness. If I can be praying for you, I would love to hear from you! Email me or text me!
Bendiciones! -Katie
