Choose Life

I felt extremely blessed this summer: I was poured into by many fellow missionaries during the training in June, and I got to spend a lot of time with wonderful MI people in July. Overall, this time included a lot of necessary rest and reorientation back to the Father; I am so grateful.

As my beautiful time in the States was drawing to an end and I began looking at returning to Ecuador for my 4th year, I felt some anxiety creeping in. The summer was so incredibly life-giving, and my soul felt at rest for the first time in a long time, how could I return well?

Would my time in the States feel like it was all a dream as my 'real-life' in Ecuador began, as it had so many times before?

Would I be able to 'keep' what I recovered in the States, or would I leave it all behind to revert back to what I had considered 'normal' for so long?

Could I do another year as I had been doing before?

And the answer was a resounding, 'no.'

My own strength and grit would fail me again, just like it has every other time.

So. Now what?

A couple of months ago, I decided to start reading through the Bible chronologically (following the historical timeline of the events). It began easily enough, but then I was faced with Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy- where many read-the-Bible-in-a-year plans come to die.

My plan was to read through them as quickly as possible to get to the 'good stuff.' I'm a literature nerd, so I really enjoy most of the Old Testament; I would just have to endure the books of the law. I was cruising through them, but then I got to Deuteronomy 28. This chapter is divided into 2 sections.

'Blessings for Obedience' and 'Curses for Disobedience'

If you obey the Lord your God, you will be blessed.

If you disobey the Lord your God, you will be cursed.

You will be blessed with the favor of an Almighty God who loves His people and works all things out for their good and His glory.

Or you will be cursed by your own inability to provide for and protect yourself and the people you love as well as by all the desperate measures you unsuccessfully use to attempt to do so.

Yikes.

While I wouldn't call any particular season of my life 'cursed,' 26 years of experience tells me that going through life as independently as possible and depending on my own strength has a natural set of consequences. Curse might be a strong word, but I feel it would be an appropriate one.

And I will not be free of this curse until I can renounce the error of my ways. Again. And again. Because this is definitely not the first time this particular tendency of mine has come to light, nor is it likely to be the last.

So how do I move forward? Am I being asked to live up to an impossible standard?

"Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, “Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, “Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” No, the Word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it." (Deut 30:11-14)

This is accessible.

Because He is accessible.

Moses was not asking the Israelites to dedicate themselves to uphold the law on their own. It was after 40 years of following the physical presence of the Lord in the wilderness.

"All of you are standing today in the presence of the Lord your God... You are standing here in order to enter into a covenant with the Lord your God, a covenant the Lord is making with you this day and sealing with an oath, to confirm you this day as His people, that He may be your God as He promised you and as He swore to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob." (Deut 29 10, 12-13)

Nor was it for the law's sake that Moses called the Israelites to obedience.

Likewise, the daily choice I face now is not to simply do the right things and avoid the bad things, nor is the result merely a reward or punishment. It is not a performance record I am working toward, not a resumé to submit to the pearly gates to justify our admittance into Heaven.

"Be strong and courageous, for you must go... The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deut 31: 7-8)

What is at stake is our nearness to the Lord, not just after death, but right now. He leads us in the way we should go, and when we stray from that, we distance ourselves from Love Himself. I create that distance.

But He stands full of compassion on His estate, scanning the horizon and searching for a sign of His lost daughter. His eyes light up when He sees me stumbling toward Him, still a long way off, and He runs to embrace me. He runs.

"And when you and your children return to the Lord your God and obey Him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I [Moses] command you today, then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where He scattered you. Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back. He will bring you to the land that belonged to your ancestors, and you will take possession of it. He will make you more prosperous and numerous than your ancestors. The Lord your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love Him with all your heart and with all your soul, and LIVE." (Deut 30:2-6)

We are called to obedience, yes, but called to obey so that we may love Him more fully and live.

"This day I [Moses] call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the Lord is your life..." (Deut 30:19-20)

What is life?

To love the One Who Loved Us First.

To listen to our Shepherd's voice.

To hold fast to Abba.

I eagerly await the day I will run into my Savior's arms, but until that day, I am encouraged to see that He is incredibly present and accessible to us now. His desire for me is not only 'crowns in heaven' at a later time, but a rich life lived alongside Him now.

He is good to us now, too.

"I remain confident in this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord:

Be strong, and take heart

and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:13-14)

Thank you so much for kindly reading through my thoughts as I seek to learn from my Savior and Teacher. I would like to ask you to join me in prayer over a few things:

• gratitude for God's provision for the beginning of this school year- new leadership can be a difficult transition, but He is guiding us through it.

• gratitude for my time in the States and God's ability to give immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine.

• diligence and wisdom in this school year- for a soft heart as I seek to listen to His voice above all others.

• discernment for decisions yet to be made and peace in the decisions that have been made.

If I can join you in prayer for anything, please do not hesitate to reach out to me! I would love to hear from you!

¡Bendiciones!

-Katie