Being Beloved

April was tough.

I am convinced that each day also contained other days, as it seems impossible that it was truly only 30 days long. I felt a very similar conviction 2 years ago about April 2020. Perhaps April is just not going to be my month...

A bit of context- I briefly mentioned this in my last post, but one of my students actually lived with me for 5 weeks. She is the toughest 12-year-old I know and absolutely loves Skip-Bo. She is beautiful and very strong-willed.

As I entered into a season of being a "single, working mom," I was led to my knees as I learned many lessons about my inadequacy and His sufficiency. My planning time at school became my 'down time' and I was unable to continue with the weekly routine I had made for myself the past months so as to provide the best space for my student to thrive. The systems (Bible study, phone calls home, walks, listening to sermons) I had built to bring me rest and allow me to recharge were demolished.

They were replaced with helping with homework, getting ready for the day, getting ready for bed, attending basketball games, and refusing to give up on loving a girl who was deeply affected by trauma.

And so I was brought to the end of myself. Many times.

And this is where God met me.

And He asked me "Do you trust me? Do you trust me that this situation is not an accident? Do you trust that I foresaw all of this when I created both you and her? Do you trust that I will be with you in each moment? Do you trust that I can and will empower you each moment? Do you trust me to be your daily bread?"

And as I lay on my floor, wholly overwhelmed by weight of my inadequacy, I felt God inviting me to cling to Him.

"You and I both know the truth of it: loving people is hard. It brings us to the end of ourselves. And as much as we are trained to avoid it, the end of ourselves is such a very sweet place to be. The truth rings as clearly as it does for Mary in the moment at His feet: I am not sufficient. My parenting cannot be sufficient. Only He is sufficient and only He can fill up these holes, for all of us." -Katie Davis Majors, Daring to Hope

If I was to continue with the commitment I had made to care for this student, I must call to a hope bigger than myself and my own strength. Bigger than the promise that this was temporary and that there was an end date.

Rather my Hope must be rooted in the fact that He is faithful. He is Love. And He is faithfully loving both me and my student right now, in this moment. He was allowing for both of us to be a part of each other's stories, but He was by no means limited by my lack of strength.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my Portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.

For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone."

-Lamentations 3:20-33

He is my Portion. He is my daily bread. He is to be taken daily, hourly, even minutely; not just at my convenience. To be taken, not for my convenience, but for my very sustenance and survival.

And so we made it, one day at a time.

Her host family returned last week Thursday, and I was reminded, once again, of His faithfulness the following morning when I received notice that the mask mandate in Ecuador was finally lifted. I could teach a class in-person and without a mask for the first time in two years.

In my excitement I went outside to find this:

We serve a God who keeps His promises.

His love is faithful and sustaining.

And sometimes, He even gives us a little unnecessary extra to remind us that we are not loved out of any obligation nor because we earned it, but simply because He chose to call us Beloved.

Thank you friends for your continued prayers. I appreciate them all.

Right now I ask for your prayers as I transition back into 'normal life' and pick up things that I had to let go of for a while, specifically my work in the communities.

May you be blessed by the knowledge that you are Beloved.

Bendiciones!

-Katie