Asking to finish well.

4 more weeks.

As U.S. schools are wrapping up this past and upcoming week, we are looking at 4 more weeks to finish the school year.

And let me tell you... I am exhausted.

I'm pretty sure I will make it through the next 4 weeks; but honestly, there's a small part of me that's a little doubtful...

And I could easily go into all my legitimate reasons for why I am so tired. I could tell you about the things I've had to do and the things I have to get done and make you pity me and the situation I am in.

And then maybe you could tell me about all you've had to do and why you're tired too. And then I would feel pity for you and we would have a pity party together.

Then, eventually, we would evaluate both our situations. And one of us would be crowned the winner of "has it the worst" and the other one would feel bad because we haven't done as much as the other. And then we both would just look at each other, with even less energy than before because of the ordeal we just went through pitying each other (and ourselves) and then deciding who gets to wear the crown.

*Phew*

That sounds like a lot.

So, instead, I would like to read this together:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. (James 1:2-8)

Let's break this down:

"Pure joy" I have to confess- this is not something I have been doing well. Sure, I have been able to find the 'moments' of joy, but that is not what I am being told to do. There is no room for self-pity in pure joy. There is no room for complaining in pure joy.

But there is room for coming to the end of myself. There is room for feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to continue. There is room for tears. There is room for all of this at Abba's feet.

And that is where I find pure joy.

Being loved, sustained, and saved by my Father.

"Perseverance" Any teacher knows, June is difficult. Teachers are done. Students are done. And we both are just trying to make it to the last day of school. But, perseverance doesn't mean that I just barely make it, rather that I continue soldiering on despite my desire to stop.

It means that I don't settle for 'good enough' when I know I can offer more of myself.

It means that I continue pursuing hearts and minds for His sake.

It means that my mission is not coming to an end, even as the school year is.

"If anyone lacks wisdom," I appreciate the optimism that the author (or translator) has in starting this sentence with 'if' instead of 'when.' Because, when talking about the trials of life, I simply can't imagine a scenario when I would feel like I had enough wisdom to handle it on my own...

Now I get to sit and acknowledge my lack. There is something I need that I do not have.

I am limited. My knowledge is finite. I am lacking.

So...

"You should ask God" This would seem to be an obvious statement. However, I would be embarrassed to tell you how many times I forget we can simply ask God for things. It feels too easy. It feels too self-serving to be true.

I have to remind myself that God is for me. He loves me. He is not trying to trip me up or trick me.

His deepest desire is to glorify Himself, something I do when I draw near to Him, in dependence and love.

He not only answers our humble pleas for wisdom, but He gives...

"generously to all without finding fault" So my asking for wisdom doesn't mean He looks down on me. He does not pity my lack. He knows my need and wants to satisfy it.

He is eagerly waiting for the opportunity to give me what I need.

But, for that opportunity to happen...

"You must believe and not doubt" Again, something that is so simple that I often forget about it. He is faithful. He is dependable. He is capable. I have a lifetime of ebenezers to prove it. Why should I ever doubt that He will do exactly what He says He will do?

And yet I do. I doubt. I repent. I doubt again. I repent again. Again and again.

And He opens His arms to embrace me every time.

if we are faithless,

He remains faithful,

for He cannot disown himself. (2 Timothy 2:13)

His love is constant, even though mine is not.

I seek to be faithful, I fall, and He helps me up.

I imagine Him a Father, excited to help His daughter to take steps on her own. Clumsy, uneven steps, but steps nonetheless.

Despite my bruises, I desire to continue getting up and taking more clumsy steps, confident in the knowledge that our Abba's hands desire to guide me and His arms wait to catch me.

I hope we remember that He longs for us to stand up again. He knows we cannot do it on our own, so He offers us Himself. We must simply accept His hand.

"Arise, mija, I have more for you. Take my hand and trust me."

4 more weeks.

Thank you for following me on my journey and reading through my jumbled thoughts as I process what our Father is teaching me. I hope that you are able to recognize His love for you in these words.

I ask for your prayers as I seek to finish this school year as the Lord desires. I believe this involves diligently moving forward in the tasks set before me as well as diligently resting in the One who empowers, sustains, and saves. I would specifically ask for discernment in when it is time to move and time to rest.

I ask for your prayers for the students and communities that I work with, that they would continue to be open to the Holy Spirit's work in their lives. Specifically for the students who depend on the school for security and Christian community while they are away during the vacation.

I ask for your prayers for our school/organization as we finish our first year under new leadership.

I ask for your prayers as I look forward to returning stateside for a bit this summer. (I will be hugging my mom exactly 1 month from now!) For safety in travel and intentionality in how I spend that time.

The prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective. They do not fall on deaf ears.

Thank you.

Bendiciones!

-Katie