To give is easier than to receive.

This is not a biblical thought, but it is something that has proved to be true as I journey into the support-raising phase of mission work.

In fact, the biblical truth states that: "In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive,'” (Acts 20:35). My current qualm with this verse is right now is that I am not playing the role of 'hard worker' and 'blessed,' rather the role of 'the weak' and 'in need of help.'

When I am put in this position, I instinctively go to point out the ways in which I am not worthy. I simply am not deserving of any help or love. This is where my feelings and truth align! "For it is by grace you have been saved... not by works, so that no one can boast," (Ephesians 2:8-9). So I can confidently conclude that I am not worthy. Nothing I have done can earn my salvation (from the Lord) or the help I receive (from Him or others). I tend to camp in this feeling of unworthiness as it is a more comfortable name for me to wear...

However, Paul continues his letter by saying:

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God," (Ephesians 3:16-19).

I am loved. Acknowledged as unworthy, a sinner, and not enough. Yet stilled loved. Able to be filled to the measure with the fullness of God.

Well. This certainly surpasses my knowledge and understanding.

I find it interesting that he specified that we should grasp His love 'together with all the Lord's people,' meaning maybe this love isn't something I'm supposed to seek to understand on my own, rather in community with others. In my family who continues to show love to me when they've seen me at my worst. In my friends who love me despite the many times I fall short. In my small group of twenty somethings who support me financially (and anonymously) when they have little themselves...

Being humbled in this way reminds me of the pride in myself that I must fight; it must die if I am to give myself wholly to the Lord and His will. Perhaps the journey of support raising is not just about money for a job, but about preparing my heart to receive from the Lord and from others when I would prefer to give. It's going to be a long journey.

Needless to say, preparations are being laid and the Lord is at work.

¡Bendiciones!

-Katie